Not So Perfect After All
by Shalfanonzo
Summary: How can my life seem so perfect when I'm missing the one thing that I want the most? Written in Kyle's POV. Stan x Kyle Chapters 2 AND 3 are up!
1. Chapter 1

**-Chapter One: All I Want Is You-**

From the outside, my life seems pretty perfect. I'm in a super popular boy band, my grades are top of the class, and I have the most amazing best friend anyone could ask for. Sure, it's perfect, that's what everyone says.

But it's not. It's not even close to perfect. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my life, but there's just one thing missing from it.

Love.

Those four letters, one syllable, that feeling. I'd been on a few dates, but there was never any real connection with any of them. There was only one person who could make my heart stop and my breath catch. And that person was...

"Stan! Give me back my chicken nugget you little piss!" Cartman's loud voice broke my concentration. I looked up to see Cartman reaching over to try to grab a nugget from Stan's hand.

"Not on your life." Stan casually tossed it in his mouth, laughing happily. "What's the matter Kyle?" His voice startled me and I looked over at him.

"Huh?"

Stan tilted his head to the side slightly and flashed a smile of perfect teeth, making my heart skip a beat, "you haven't eaten any of your ood." He pointed to the pile of chicken nuggets on my tray that remained untouched. I shook my head and smiled back.

"I'm fine, just thinking." I tried to sound sincere, tried to control the wavering of my voice. Stan raised one eyebrow at me and nodded his head slowly.

"Uh huuuh..." I swallowed nervously, but when he looked away a second later, I let out a sigh of relief. If I looked at his blue for too long, I would probably get lost in them and never find my way back out.

"Hey Stan." That voice. I didn't even have to turn around to recognize who it came from.

"Hey Wendy, what's up?" Stan flashed that smile again. Wendy didn't deserve it. She had dumped him, so why did he still talk to her, _and smile at her like that!?_

"Nothing much. Hey Kyle." She smiled at me and I had to control myself so that I wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Hi." I said nothing else, just shoved a chicken nugget in my mouth.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later." Wendy walked away, sitting next to Bebe at another table.

"Whore." I muttered under my breath, picking up a fry.

"You say somehing?" Stan looked across the table at me. I shook my head.

"No, nothing."

Kenny spoke up for the first time in a few minutes, "so are we having practice at your house tonight Stan?"

"Yeah, my parents don't mind. They said we could practice there anytime we wanted to." Stan picked up his Powerade and took a big drink. I picked up my tray and stood up, walked over to a garbage can and dumped the contents into it, setting my tray on one of the racks.

"You're done already?" Stan asked when I came back for my bag.

"Not hungry." I slung my backpack over one shoulder and went out one of the doors into the schoolyard. The swings were empty, so I sat on one of them and began to swing slightly, using my feet to push back and forth.

"Kyle!" I looked up to see Stan walking towards me. I waved at him and smiled for a second. He grabbed the chains on the swing next to me and sat down, but didn't swing.

"What's up?" I could feel him staring, but I just looked forward and kept pushing my swing back and forth. I heard him sigh,

"You seem troubled." He began to swing a little, like I was doing.

"I'm fine." M swinging slowed as I braced my feet against the ground more.

"Kyle..."

My fingers tightned around the chains and I stopped swinging, "I'm fine, Stan!" My teeth ground together as I practically yelled at him. Stan looked taken-aback. I stood up and began stomping through the snow. I felt his hand grab my sleeve and I spun around to face him, "WHAT!?"

Stan's eyes were filled with hurt and he locked them with my green ones, "you...you've changed. You're not the same Kyle..."

"I told you, I'm _fine_!" On the last word I ripped my arm from his grasp and walked into the school.

* * *

My phone began to ring for the 7th time since I got home. Stan's smiling face flashed onto the screen and My People began to play, another annoying reminder that he was calling. I hit the end button before it could go on too long. About a minute later, the voicemail reminder sounded. I picked up the phone and called my voicemail.

"Kyle, it's me. Please call me, I want to talk to you. Or if you want, you can stay at my house tonight after practice...if you're coming. You are coming, right?" I could hear the sadness in his voice, and I knew I had done that. His always confident voice was now reduced to a minimum. He didn't know what was wrong, and I din't want to tell him.

* * *

I arrived at his house around 6:30, half an hour before practice. As I started walking up the sidewalk to his house, Stan ran out the door to greet me.

"Kyle!" He stopped about a foot away from me, his smile wider than ever, "you came!"

I shoved my hands in my coat pockets and looked over down at the ground, "of course I came. The band can't get any better if we don't all practice together." I was surprised when he flung his arms around me and hugged me.

"Alright, let's go inside, it's cold." We walked up the sidewalk and kicked the snow off our shoes before going into his house.

"Oh, hi Kyle." Randy said to me when we walked though the door.

"Hey Mr. Marsh." I turned to Stan, "I'm gonna go put my bag in your room."

"Okay, I'll go see if my mom'll make us some hot chocolate." He walked towards the kithcen and I headed up the stairs to his room.

As I dropped my bag on his bed, I noticed a picture on his side table. I picked it up and smiled. It was a picture from our trip to Cedar Point two years ago. It was my first time on a roller coaster, and Stan had dragged me onto the Millenium Force. In the picture, my eyes were wide and my mouth was open in a scream, but next to me, Stan had his hands in the air in the "rock on" pose, his eyes shut, and his mouth in a wide smile.

"Whatcha doin'?" Stan was back, leaning against the doorframe, holding two mugs. I set down the picture and took one of the mugs.

"Nothing." We sat on his bed and drank our cocoa in silence. I burnt my tongue on the first sip, not anticipating the heat.

"So..." Stan spoke up first, "why were you so mad earlier?"

I stared into my half-gone cocoa, "I dunno."

"Was it something I did?" I looked up at him and saw that his eyes were filled with the same hurt and sadness as before when we were on the swings. I hated seeing him like that.

"No, it's not your fault." I put my hand on his shoulder and forced a smile. I wasn't technically lying. It was Wendy I didn't like. Stan smiled back. We heard a car outside and Stan looked out his window.

"Kenny and Cartman are here." We finished our cocoa and went downstairs to meet them.

"Mom, we're going to the garage for practice!" Stan yelled and opened the door, "Hey guys, ready for practice?"

"Why the hell do you think we're here?" Cartman retorted.

"Well, let's go then." We walked into the garage. All of our practice stuff was inside: synthesizer, mics, a cd player, and a video camera. Stan opened the main door of the garage so that the sounds wouldn't echo. We each grabbed a mic and secured them to our belts, making sure that they worked. Kenny grabbed a clip board from the top of a speaker.

"Okay guys, we have a gig friday night, so we need to make sure we have our songs and routines down." He tossed the clipboard back onto the speaker and came to stand by us.

"So Kenny, you scored lately?" Cartman asked nonchalantly.

Kenny shook his head, "no, I was gonna ask that Amelia chick if-"

"DUDE!" Cartman and I shouted at the same time.

"You mean the totally hot senior, the captain of thwe cheer squad?" Cartman wasn't shouting, but he was still talking rather loud.

"We're here for band practice, not to talk about who we're gonna do stuff with!" I shouted at them.

"You;re just mad cuz you're still a virgin." Cartman sneered.

"You are too fat ass!" I could feel my face turning different shades of red.

"Hah!" Cartman pointed his finger at me, "that, my friend, is where you are wrong."

My eyes widened as I stared at him, "who the hell would _willingly_ have sex with _you_?"

Cartman patted my shoulder, "it's okay little Jew boy, you'll get laid soon enough." I smacked his hand away and stood by Stan.

"Can we start practice already?"

Stan had started to say 'yes' when Cartman interrupted, "aww, is all the sex talk making you upset? _Virgin_." He put emphasis on the last word, saying it slowly. I glared at him.

"Whatever! I'm done, you guys practice, I'll be inside!" I stormed out of Stan's garageand back into the house.

"Good doing Cartman." Stan glared at him, and Cartman scoffed.

"He'll be fine." Stan narrowed his ees.

"You're a dick. Practice is over." He took off his mic and set it on the synthesizer before going inside.

"Looks like it's just you and me Kenny."

"Sure looks that way." They took off their mics and set them next to Stan's, "You wanna go to that club? I know a way to get in."

"Hell yeah!"

* * *

I was laying on Stan's bed playing with his Rubix Cube when he came in a few minutes later.

"Hey." He said it so quietly that I almost didn't hear him.

"Hey." I responded as I finished the blue side. Stan sat on the edge of the bed and stared at some pictures on the wall.

"Don't listen to Cartman, he's an idiot." He said with a sigh. I didn't respond immediately, and for a few seconds the only sound was the clacking from the Rubix Cube. "So hey, I wanted to talk to you about something."

I couldn't help but feeling interested. "What is it?" I continued solving the Rubix Cube as he talked.

"Well, uh..." He stopped for a second as if unsure whether or not to continue, "Wendy asked me out again, and I said yes."

It was not what I was expecting. I sat up so quickly that I lost my grip on the Cube and it flew across the room, "WHAT!?"

Stan looked at me surprised, "jeez dude, don't have a cow. All I said was that I'm going back out with Wendy."

"But she cheated on you!" I couldn't believe ut. My mouth was hanging open and we had locked eyes.

"I know, but she's changed. She said it would never happen again." Besides, we really like each other."

"Stan, I hate to sound like a chick, but you know the phrase 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'? I just don't think it's a good idea."

Stan looked just as surprised as I was, even angry, "you're my best friend, I thought you would be happy for me!" He yelled back and I flinched. I looked down at my hands that I had clenched around the sheets in fists. I felt tears in my eyes and i raised my arm to wipe them away with my sleeve. I looked up at him and more tears began to form. The look on his face softned and his eyes widened.

"Oh my God Kyle, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to yell at you!" He pulled me into a hug, my face hitting his chest. My fists remained clenched around the sheets as he hugged me. I could smell his cologne as I sobbed into his chest. I had never been this angry or upset before, especially at Stan, and all I wanted was to stay like this, his arms around me, keeping me safe. Unfortunately, he pulled his arms back and looked at me, "you okay?" I nodded my head anbd wiped away the rest of my tears. Stan's shirt was soaked from my tears. He noticed and smiled.

"Don't worry about it, it's just salt water." He laughed, but I couldn't even smile. I knew I couldn't change his mind about Wendy.

"So are we good?" I nodded. Once again I was lying, but I was supposed to be happy for him. He smiled and patted my shoulder, "so can I ask you why you were so upset earlier or not in case we have another class 5 Hurricane Kyle on our hands?" I couldn't help from laugh at that.

"No, it's nothing, I was just in a bad mood." It was true, but it wasn't for no reason that I had been angry.

"Well, now that that's out of the way, you wanna play some Guitar Hero?" My mind flashed back to the time in 4th grade when we had gotten in a fight about Guitar Hero, when a man had offered us a lot of money to play proffesionally. I shuddered.

"Ugh, no dude." Stan laughed and I joined him.

"Alright we won't. Don't need any more fights between us. I mean, we've already broken up so many times." Sadly, what he said was true. We'd been in so many fights that had threatened our friendship. The one that stuck out the most in my mind was when we had the egg assignment in Mrs. Garrison's class, and Stan thought I liked Wendy. I hated hinking about all our fights, but because of them, our friendship had grown so much stronger.

`"Damn egg." I heard Stan mutter, and I burst out laughing. He joined me and we just sat there laughing.

I wiped away a tear from the corner of my eye and chuckled again, "So what now?"

Stan shrugged, "I dunno, Guitar Hero is out, Kenny and Cartman are gone, so no band paractice..."

I thought for a moment, "wanna go get some food?"

"Sure, why not?" We got some money from Mr. Marsh and began our walk to the local burger joint, the Hungry Burger. It took us about ten minutes to get there and when we did, I did not like what I saw. Wendy and bebe were sitting at one of the booths inside. Unfortunately, Stan saw this as well.

"Hey, Wendy and Bebe are here!" He had a smile on his face as we walked up to the door.

"Mhm." I sighed as we walked inside.

"Stan! Kyle!" I groaned. They had spotted us. Wendy flagged us over and I reluctantly followed to Stan to their booth.

"Hey Wendy, hey Bebe." Stan said as he slid into the booth next to Wendy, leaving me to sit by Bebe. I slowly sat down in the booth and leaned foward to rest my chin in my hand.

A waitress came around to take our orders, and when she left, Stan and Wendy continued their mindless conversation. I grabbed napkin and pulled a pen out of my pocket and began doodling on the napkin.

"So Kyle, how have you been?" Bebe's voice surprised me, and I turned my head to look over at her.

"Good. You?"

"Fine." I went back to doodling on the napkin. I saw Bebe look at Wendy and she just shrugged.

"Ask him." Wnedy mouthed and pointed at me, but I didn't hear her.

"Uhm, Kyle?" I heard Bebe say, and I looked back at her.

"Yeah?" I noticed her hand was shaking as she set it in her lap. Wendy waved her hand at Bebe.

"Uh, I was wondering, if you maybe wanted to uh...if you wanted to go out with me?" I have to say I was surprised. I looked up at Stan and he grinned, nodding his head towards Bebe. I looked at Bebe again.

"Uh..." I could tell that my face had turned a very bright red, "yeah, sure." _Oh no. What had I done? This was exactly what I didn't want!_

Bebe smiled and let out a sigh of relief. I'm glad that she could just breathe it out and it was okay. I couldn't exactly do that. It wasn't as easy for me. Our waitress came back with our food, and as the others ate, I just stared at my burger.

"You okay Kyle?" I didn't look up when Wendy spoke to me.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Stan smiled, "he's probably just trying to get over the shock." I picked up a french fry and ate it.

"There, happy?" I picked up my burger and took a bite out of it. Bebe giggled as she nibbled a fry.

* * *

We left the Hungry Burger about 30 minutes later. I scowled as Stan kissed Wendy good-bye.

"Well, bye Kyle." Bebe said. I waved and began walking away without Stan. I heard him running up behind me to catch up.

"What's your hurry?" He threw his arm around my shoulder and grinned.

I looked over at him and glared. I shrugged out from underneath his arm," what the hell was that all about?"

His smile faded, "what do you mean?"

"Setting me up with Bebe! You guys cornered me!" I shouted.

Stan's mouth fell open, "you could have said no!"

"No, I couldn't have!" I was fuming now.

"Yes, you could have! If you really didn't want to, then why did you do it?!"

"Because..." I paused, and Stan looked at me, "because...of you."

Stan looked flabbergasted, "me?"

"Yeah, you kept nodding your head and telling me to go for it, and you've been saying I should date her for a while now." Stan was silent, "I did it because I trust you, and most of the time you only want what's best for me. And I want what's best for you." The tears had started again.

We walked in silence for a few minutes before Stan spoke up. "So are you still stayingover?"  
I sighed, "I guess so. Might as well." I reached up to wipe away my tears, but when I did, there was something weird. "Oh my God!"

"What?" Stan turned to me, surprised by my sudden outburst, "what's wrong?"

I started laughing, unable to control myself.

"What?" Stan looked slightly annoyed now as I just stood there laughing.

"I have...I have saltwater frozen to my face!" I fell into a snow bank, laughing. Stan's mouth hung open as he stared at me in disbelief.

"What the hell Kyle? I thought there was something really wrong with you!" He crossed his arms and looked at me sternly, but I just laid there in the snow laughing.

I got up about five minutes later when I had gotten all my laughs out. I was honestly surprised that Stan hadn't left. He looked really annoyed that I went from angry to giddy in only a matter of minutes.

"You better?" He asked as I brushed the snow off my pants and coat.

"Yeah, sorry, I don't know what came over me." We continued our walk back to Stan's house and got there a few minutes later.

"We're home!" Stan shouted as he walked through the door. I kicked the snow off my boots and stepped inside." We walked up the stairs to Stan's bedroom and he turned his stereo on. Our _Fingerbang_ CD was in the player, and our first and most popular song began to play.

"Wow, how long have we been singing this song for?" I asked as I sat on the bed. Stan sat next to me and kicked off his shoes.

"Hmm, about 5 or 6 years now." He had to use his fingers in order to figure it out. I laughed and moved to one side of the bed to lie down. I stared at his ceiling, which was covered in tons of glow-in-the--dark stars. I remembered I had gotten them for him as a gift in 6th grade.

"These things _still_ glow?" I laughed, amazed. Stan looked at his ceiling and laughed.

"Oh yeah, the get annoying sometimes." He laid down next to me and sighed, "so what're ya gonna do about Bebe?"

I shrugged, "I'll tell her tomorrow that I don't really wanna go out, but that I didn't want to reject her in front of her best friend. I know that would suck."

Stan smiled, "good idea." He yawned and pulled the blankets up from the foot of the bed. "Well, I'm really tired, and I'll bet you are too, so we should get some sleep."

I nodded in agreement, only now realizing how tired I really was, "good night."

"G'night Kyle." And we fell asleep, the CD playinh the sung written and sung by me: All I Want Is You.

**-Chapter End-**

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**Author's Notes:** Whoo! Finally got the first chapter typed and posted! Hope you like it :D

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** YAY! Chapter two :D Finally, I know lol. I kept procrastinating cuz that's how I roll. So here ya go :D Have fun!  


* * *

**-Chapter Two: Date and Deception-**

I woke up at midnight, about 2 hours since we had fallen asleep. The CD had stopped playing a while ago, so I reached over Stan to change it to the radio. It was commercials at the moment, but I didn't care. I couldn't sleep well without music. I laid back down and pulled the covers up around me again.

As I was falling asleep, I felt Stan's arm snake around my waist. My body froze and I think I even stopped breathing. I heard him mumble incoherently and he smiled. Suddenly, I felt his hand move down my leg and I yelped and sat up quickly, too quickly because I now had a head rush. My sudden reaction woke up Stan, and I realized that I had thrown his arm back.

"Dude, what's wrong?" He asked me, sitting up next to me. I looked over at him and shook my head.

"Nothing, just had a bad dream." I couldn't believe he didn't know what had happened. I was really glad that it was dark because my face was on fire, and I'd bet ten bucks it was at least 3 different shades of red. I laid back down and turned my back to Stan so that I was facing the wall. I heard him sigh and then lie back down next to me.

I was still awake when I heard Stan's breathing slow, signaling that he was asleep again. I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, but a minute later, I felt Stan's arm wrap around my waist again. I inhaled sharply when he did, but not loud enough to wake him up. I felt him pull himself closer to me and put a vice grip around my waist with his arm. His face was right against the back of my neck, and his breathing was sending chills down my spine. His body was now pressed against mine, and I heard him whisper,

"I love you."

* * *

Stan was up before me the next morning. I rolled over and looked at the clock. It read 9:23 a.m., and I figured there was a snow day, otherwise I'd be sitting in a really boring English class right now. I got out of bed and walked downstairs to find Stan. I found him in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Good morning Sunshine!" Stan grinned when I walked into the kitchen.

"G'mornin'" I mumbled as I sat at the table and poured myself a glass of orange juice.

"You want chocolate chips in your pancakes?" Stan turned around to face me, a bag of semi-sweet morsels in his hand. I knew my mother wouldn't approve of the very unhealthy breakfast, but I nodded my head anyways. A few minutes later, I had a plate of hot pancakes and bacon in front of me. I grabbed the syrup and covered my pancakes with the sugary substance. Stan sat next to me and did the same, then began digging into his breakfast.

"So what should we do today?" He asked me, his mouth full of pancake. I shrugged and ate some of my pancakes.

"I dunno. We could watch a movie." I picked up a piece of bacon and bit off half of it.

"Sounds good. I'll see if Wendy wants to come." My heart stopped. I didn't want her here. Stan noticed me just staring at my orange juice, "Kyle? You okay?"

I snapped out of my daze, "yeah, I'm fine." I shoved half a pancake in my mouth.

"Oh, that reminds me. Why did you yell last night?"

"Um..." I swallowed my pancake, "I had a bad dream, and it scared me. It happens every once in a while." He obviously didn't remember what he had done last night, and I didn't want to tell him. "So were you having a weird dream or something last night?" I asked him.

"No..." Stan took a drink of his orange juice, "why?"

"I shrugged, "you were mumbling in your sleep."

Stan blushed, "did I say anything embarrassing?" I shook my head and forced a laugh.

"No, it was too quiet, I didn't understand anything you said." He let out a sigh of relief and smiled. We finished our breakfast and put the dishes in the dishwasher.

"I'm gonna go get changed." I said as I walked towards the stairs.

"Alright, I'll call Wendy." I was gone before I heard her name. I didn't want her here today. When I got to Stan's room, I pulled my clean clothes out of my bag and took my time so that when I went back downstairs, I wouldn't have to listen to Stan go all mushy over the phone.

When I got back downstairs, however, Stan looked a little upset.

"She can't come, she's hanging out with Bebe today." He said. It reminded me that I still had to talk to Bebe. I dialed her number (_since when has her number been in my phone?_), and when she answered, I told her what I had told Stan last night.

"Oh...okay." She sounded a little disappointed.

"Sorry Bebe, but I'm sure you'll find someone else, I just don't think I'm right for you." We said good-bye, and I slid my phone into my pocket. I went back into the kitchen to find Stan, but he had left.

"Stan?" I went through the house and found him on the couch. "Found ya." I sat next to him. He had a very blank expression on his face, like he was in deep thought. I waved my hand in front of his face and he snapped out of his daze.

"What?" He asked, just now noticing that I had sat down next to him. I smiled.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I was suddenly in a really good mood now that I knew that Wendy wasn't coming.

Stan shook his head, "nothing, just trying to remember my dream last night." I froze for a second, but was able to shake it off.

"Got anything?" I swear i could see his cheeks flush a little.

"No, I can't remember anything." He stood up and walked over to a cabinet, "what movie do you want to watch?"

I shrugged, "you pick." Stan perused the Dads and finally pulled out Terrance and Phillip: Asses of Fire. When he showed me the cover, I laughed. There was nothing exactly funny about it. This movie had started a war between the United States and Canada...led by my mother. But that was over now, and everything had gone back to normal.

Stan put the disc in the DVD player and sat next to me on the couch, setting his feet up on the coffee table. I did the same and made myself comfortable for the next hour and a half.

At some point during the movie, Stan had fallen asleep. I figured that he hadn't slept well and turned down the volume on the t.v. so it wouldn't disturb him. As I was watching the movie, I felt something hit my shoulder. I looked over, but didn't get very far because Stan's hair stopped me. In his sleep, he had laid his head on my shoulder to be more comfortable. I didn't bother me, so I turned back to the t.v.

When the movie was over, I turned the t.v. off, sinking lower into the couch to try to get some more sleep myself. I closed my eyes and had begun to drift off, but some mumbling woke me up. Stan was talking in his sleep again, and I wanted to know what it was about. He muttered something unintelligible then I felt his arm snake itself around my waist again. I froze in place in case he woke up. But the next thing he said caught my attention.

"No...Kyle! Don't go..." He paused for a moment and I realized I had been holding my breath. I let out the air and tried breathing normally. Stan shifted a little and hugged my waist tighter. His face scrunched up a little, "I love you..."

I inhaled sharply, but not loudly enough to disturb anything. I sank as far as I could into the sofa, a surprised look on my face. Stan pulled me over slightly because he still needed me as a pillow, and my movement had caused his head to move down onto my arm. He rested his head on my shoulder again and his breathing got slower, a smile spread across his face. I was confused, but I was also happy. Stan didn't know it, or maybe he did? He did have trouble remembering dreams, so he probably wouldn't know for a long time. I would have to wait out the time that he stayed with Wendy, but for now, I was content with his dreams. I laid my head on his and whispered,

"I love you too."

* * *

I woke up before Stan this time. I looked out the window and saw that it was dark outside. _How long had we been sleeping?_ The clock on the VCR said 8:30 pm. I wasn't surprised that it was dark at only 8:30, that was normal during winter, especially in South Park, seeings how it was almost always winter...except in July. Stan's parents weren't home yet, which was kind of weird. A piece of paper on the coffee table caught my attention. I moved to grab it, but didn't get very far. Stan was laying across the left half of my body, sound asleep. I reached with my free hand and was just barely able to grab the note with my fingertips. I recognized Mrs. Marsh's handwriting curling neatly across that page.

Stan and Kyle,

We're going over to a friend's house for dinner. We won't be back until later tonight. There's food in the fridge you can heat up if you get hungry. Oh, and Kyle, I called your mother, and she said you can stay over again if you want. Have fun!

Love, Sharon

I tossed the note back onto the table and leaned back into the couch. My left arm was asleep from Stan laying on it for so long. I tried moving it, but I couldn't. Stan's arm was still around my waist and I sighed. I wasn't going anywhere until Stan woke up. But I didn't have to wait very long. Stan stirred and opened one eye, then the other. He looked at his arm, then at me, looking quite confused.

"How long have I been asleep?" He asked me, looking out the window.

I laughed, "quite a while, it's 8:30. Your parents are at a friend's house, and I guess I'm staying the night again."

Stan yawned and looked at his arm again, "uhh...?"

"I guess you thought I was a pillow." I shrugged and smiled. He withdrew his arm and sat up to stretch. I shook my arm to wake it up and I sat upright. My back cracked as I did and I winced.

"Owww..." I rubbed my back an Stan laughed at me. I glared at him through one open eye, the other had closed due to the sudden pain. "It's not funny. That hurt!" I punched him in the arm.

"Ow!" He laughed even harder as he expressed his pain out loud, "dude." He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and continued laughing. I stopped rubbing my back and my glare softened. I started laughing too.

"Ya know, I had a really weird dream again." Stan looked at me, rubbing his arm where I had punched him, "you were in it."

I acted surprised, even though I had heard him talking in his sleep earlier, "oh?"

"Yeah," he stared off into space, "we got in another one of our stupid fights and we 'broke up'" he made quotation marks in his air with his fingers, "anyways, I can't really remember anything else. I just remember you walking away, and then I..." I hadn't noticed that I had leaned forward where I was sitting.

"You what?" There was an eagerness in my voice as I waited for him to finish.

"Nothing, it's stupid." He looked away and sighed. "Oh crap!" He had looked at the clock and something about it had reminded him of something, "I was supposed to call Wendy like 2 hours ago!" He reached in his pocket for his phone, but his hand came back out empty. Before he had a chance to get up, I held my phone out.

"Here, her number's in there." I said, forcing a smile, "she might get mad if you wait any longer."

"Thanks." Stan found her number and hit the 'call' button, tapping his foot impatiently.

Wendy picked up on the third ring, "hey Kyle."

"It's Stan, I'm using Kyle's phone." I didn't hear the rest of the conversation. I got up and walked into the kitchen to find something to eat. I opened the fridge and pulled out a pan of lasagna I guessed Mrs. Marsh had prepared while we slept. There was a piece of paper with heating instructions on top of the foil covering the pan. I shut the fridge and turned on the oven. I opened the fridge again and grabbed a soda while I waited for the oven to preheat, and sat in one of the chairs at the table. Stan walked in a minute later, handing me my phone.

"Thanks." The oven let out a "ding!" to let us know it was preheated. Stan put the lasagna in and grabbed a soda out of the fridge.

"No problem." I said, sliding the phone back into my pocket. Stan sat next to me and opened his soda, "was Wendy mad?"

Stan shook his head and took a drink, "no, she wasn't. I just told her that we fell asleep. She was still at Bebe's anyways."

I stared at the can in my hand, "did she say whether or not Bebe was mad at me?"

"She said Bebe wasn't mad." Stan took another drink, "she was a little disappointed, but it was no big deal." He set down his soda and reached across the table, pulling back a deck of cards, "wanna play Phase 10?"

I looked at the cards and shrugged, "sure, why not? It'll pass the time until we can eat." Stan shuffled the deck and dealt out the cards, along with the cards that had the ten phases on them.

By the time the oven timer went off, Stan was winning. I was stuck on Phase 5 while he was on 9. When I heard the timer, I threw my cards onto the table.

"Whatever! I give up!" I crossed my arms and glared angrily across the table at him, "this game sucks!"

Stan laughed at me, "no, you just suck at this game." He ruffled my hair and stood up to go rescue the lasagna before it was overcooked. I shook my head to get my hair back into place, then stood up to get some plates.

"By the way," Stan turned to me after he had taken out the lasagna, "what did your mom say when you cut your Jew fro?"

I smiled, "oh, she was pissed, like...a conniption with a capital 'k'. But she's over it now. She said she likes it better this way. Of course, it's only been a couple weeks, so you never know, she might change her mind. I was just sick of being made fun of for it. I'm a junior for Christ's sake!" I shook my head again and a couple curly red locks fell into my eyes. I set the plates on the table and went back to one of the drawers to get forks. Stan set the lasagna on the table and just stared at the plates. I noticed him staring at them, "what?"

He pointed at the plates, "what are those for?"

I honestly couldn't believe he just asked me that, "seriously?" He nodded his head and kept looking back and forth between me and the plates, "they're to eat the lasagna. Did you forget what a plate is?"

Stan sighed and grabbed the forks out of my hand, "_these_ are to eat the lasagna. Plates are unnecessary." He grabbed the inferior dishes and out them back in their cupboard. When he came back, he handed me a fork, "start at one end and work your way to the middle." He sat down and began to eat the lasagna. I just shook my head and sat next to him, sticking my fork in the opposite end of the pan and began to eat. It didn't take us more than thirty minutes to demolish the lasagna. Stan tossed his fork into the empty pan and leaned back, "ah, that was good." He grinned and patted his stomach a couple times. I laughed and finished off my soda.

As we were sitting there, we heard a knock on the door. Stan walked through a hallway to the door and looked out, then opened the door.

"Hey guys."

"We havin' practice tonight?" I identified Cartman's voice immediately. I grabbed the lasagna pan and set it in the sink, tossing my soda can into the recycle bag in the way to the sink. I filled the pan with hot water and soap and then made my way to the front door.

"Hey, you up for practice tonight?" Stan asked me when I appeared next to him.

"Sure," I shrugged, "I gotta go grab my mic though. I left it upstairs last night." I turned and went up the stairs, taking them two at a time. When I got to Stan's room, I noticed a book lying open in the corner. I grabbed the mic and walked over to put the book away. But as I bent over to grab it, I noticed it wasn't a book. I recognized Stan's neat handwriting sprawled across the pages. I picked it up and looked at the corner of the page. Today's date was written in. I looked around and began to read.

February 11th

I had another one of those dreams again. I've had them every night for 2 weeks now, and I don't know why. Kyle said I was talking in my sleep, and I hope to God he didn't hear anything. He said that I was just mumbling, but I don't know. I just hope I don't say anything to freak him out...

* * *

He had stopped writing there, and I guessed that he had heard me coming down the stairs. I set the journal back down and ran downstairs. There was no one in the house, so I guessed they had gone to into the garage while I went upstairs to grab the mic. I walked into the garage where the other three were setting up.

"Jeez, what took you so long?" Cartman smirked and looked at me.

"I wasn't gone that long! I was just grabbing my mic!" I pointed to the device in my hand.

"Sure, that's all you were doing."

"Okay, enough! We're not going to have any fighting at practice anymore, got it?" Stan stepped between us and glared at Cartman, "got it?"

Cartman narrowed his eyes, "why're ya singling_ me _out?"

"Because you're always the one starting the fight." Stan stepped back and walked over to the synthesizer, "now can we please start? We have to practice our performance for the Valentine's Day dance on Friday."

I had completely forgotten that this Friday was Valentine's Dat. I attached my mic to my belt and around my head, then tested it. We lined up and Stan hit a button on the synthesizer, then came to stand next to me.

The background music to our number one song 'Fingerbang' started and we began our routine. We finished flawlessly due to the fact that we had done it so much. We decided to work on some other songs, and Stan said we should work on mine since we hadn't in a while. We got in line for the routine: Me in front, and then the other three behind me, Stan in the middle and Kenny and Cartman on either side. Kenny hit the synthesizer button and the song began.

It was a slower song, but it was still good. Towards the middle of the song, Stan came up to join me in the duet part. I always felt nervous singing next to him because my stomach would do somersaults when I heard his voice. He was the best singer out of the four of us, which made Cartman angry.

We finished practice, and Kenny and Cartman left, leaving Stan and I alone again. My phone began to ring, and I dug it out of my pocket.

"Hello?" Oh, hey mom. Y-yeah, I can come home." Stan looked at me and I shrugged, "alright, I'll be there in a few minutes." I hung up and stuck the phone back in my pocket, "my mom wants me home, she sounded kind of excited..." We walked inside and I grabbed my stuff.

"See ya tomorrow at school I guess." Stan smiled and and up his hand. I high fived him, we pulled our hands back, and snapped. It was the "hand shake" we had gotten from watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-air one night.

"See ya." I walked out of his bedroom, down the stairs, and out the front door. It was cold, so I stuck my hands in my coat pockets and began walking home. It only took me about 5 minutes to get home, and when I did, my parents were standing in the driveway waiting for me.

"What's going on?" I was slightly confused. My mom was grinning and my dad was holding his hands behind his back.

"Oh, just move already!" My parents stepped away from each other, and between them was a brand new green mustang. My mouth dropped open.

"Oh my God." I couldn't say anything else, "who's is it?"

My mom was practically jumping up and down, "it's yours!"

I didn't think it was possible, but my mouth dropped even further open, "mine?!"

My dad tossed me a key, "there you go. You'll gave to drive it tomorrow though, the roads are pretty slippery right now." I nodded and stuck the key in my pocket.

"Alright, can I drive it to school?"

My parents looked at each other and nodded, "I think that would be alright." My dad smiled. I ran up and hugged them, then ran inside. I couldn't wait to show Stan. But even through my excitement, when I ran upstairs and opened my door, I almost puked.

Wendy was sitting on my bed, wearing a mini skirt, a tank top, and high heels.

"W-What are you doing here?!" I asked, holding my hand in front of my eyes, not wanting to look at her. I heard her stand up and start walking towards me.

"I came to see you silly." She put her hand on my waist but I smacked it off.

"How did you get in my room?"

She laughed and pointed her thumb behind her, "the window was open."

I looked utterly flabbergasted, "my room is on the second floor! And why was the window open?? _Why_ are you here?!"

"Like I said, to see you," her voice was soft and she sounded like she was trying to seduce me, "I've liked you for a long time Kyle, but Stan was just so persistent..."

"Then why did you ask him out again?!" My face was red hot, and I was clenching my hands so tightly into fists that my nails were digging into my skin.

Wendy smirked, "well, I knew that by dating him, I could get closer to you." She circled me and pushed me towards my bed. I tripped on something and fell backwards onto the bed. Wendy leaned over me and was going in for a kiss when someone came running up the stairs.

"Kyle, you forgot your..." Stan stopped dead in his tracks when he saw us. I guessed by the look on his face that it didn't look too good.

"Oh...hey Stan." Wendy stood up and straighted out her skirt. I took the opportunity to stand up. I looked at the floor and saw that I had tripped over a small toy truck. Dammit Ike.

"Stan, it's not what it looks like." I said frantically. Stan looked at Wendy, the zombie look still present on his face.

"Get out." Wendy looked between us, then stomped out. I looked at Stan.

"Stan...I..."

He looked at me, "what the fuck?!" I was taken aback. I didn't think he would be so mad at _me_, not after what I had read in his journal.

"Look, Stan, she was in here when I got home. She tried to seduce me!"

He glared at me, "how could you do this to me?! You're my best friend Kyle, or at least I _thought_ you were!"

"Stan, you know I would never..."

"Never what? Go behind my back? Whatever Kyle." He threw my notebook that he had brought over onto the floor and ran down the stairs, leaving me standing in the middle of the room, tears streaming down my cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**-Chapter 3: True Confessions-**

I just stood there. My vision and my thoughts were clouded. My best friend had just walked out on me. Had I lost him forever?

I remebered the key in my pocket. My parents had told me not to drive because of the road conditions, but I had to do something. I ran downstairs and out the front door. The key was in my hand as I climbed into the mustang. I turned it on and pulled out of the driveways and drove towards Stan's house.

It didn't take me very long to catch up to him. I rolled down the window, "Stan!"

He looke over at me, "what do _you_ want?" His harsh words stung me.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't ask for this to happen!" He had stopped walking, so I stopped my car.

"What?" He snapped back, "for me to find out?"

"No, Stan, I..." I didn't have time to finish. A car was headed straight for me, swerving back and forth on the wrong side of the road. My eyes widened in fear, and the last thing I heard was Stan's blood curdling scream. I felt the impact and the airbag hit my chest, I laid there unconscious, slumped over my steering wheel.

* * *

When I woke up, I was lying in a white room, machines all around me, IVs hooked into my arms, and an oxygen tube hooked over my nose, I looked over and saw Stan sitting next to the bed. When he saw my eyes open, he let out a sigh of relief.

"Hey," he said and I smiled.

"Hey." I looked down at myself and groaned. I had at least 7 IVs, my stoamch and chest were wrapped with bandages, and my left hand was wrapped tightly, "what the hell happened?"

Stan sighed again, "a drunk guy hit you head on. Three of your ribs are broken, two are cracked, and your left hand is broken. Plus, something cut your stomach, so you have stitches as well. And quite a few bruises."

I looked at my hand, "now, how the _fuck_ did I break my hand?" Stan laughed and shrugged.

"Airbag?" I heard the door open and my parentd came in. My mom ran over and hugged me, making sure not to tug any IVs out or hit my stomach.

"Oh honey, you look awful!" She was crying and I lifted my right hand to pat her back.

"I feel fine mom." I gulped, "what happened to the car.

My dad stapped forward, and I noticed I was by him, "the front is folded in."

I groaned, "I'm so sorry! If I had just listened to you..." My mom covered my mouth with her hand and I looked up at her confused.

"Don't worry, Stan explained everything. It's not your fault some drunk man crashed into you. And he walked away with just a cracked rib and a black eye!"

"Your mother's right Kyle, don't worry about the car, it's easily fixable. We're just glad you're okay...well, we're just glad you not dead."

I nodded and laid my head on the pillow, "can I have a few minutes alone with Stan?" My parents turned and left, Ike following. When they were gone, I turned to look at Stan.

"I am so sorry, I shouldn't have chased you." Stan shook his head.

"No, it's my fault, I shouldn't have been mad at you. I knew that Wendy might cheat on me again, but with you? I didn't want to believe it." He sighed and swallowed, "and...there's something I've been wanting to tell you."

The heart moniter I was attached to made a funny noise and we looked at it. There was a gap in the patter where my heart had skipped a beat. I looked at Stan and again and he took a big breath."

"I...I'm in love with you Kyle. I I have been for a while now."

Even though I knew what had been coming, it still took me by surprise.

"I know." I said quietly, and Stan looked even more surprised.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I heard you talking in your sleep, and I saw your journal."

"You read my journal?!" Stan's eyes grew really big, "how much did you read?"

I held up my good hand, "calm down, I only saw the page from today." I laughed a little at his reaction and he frowned, "why do you have a journal anyways?"

Stan's face turned red and he looked down at his hands, "I go to a psychologist once a week because I was having trouble accepting the fact that I might be gay, and he told me to keep a journal of my dreams and other thins in order to see if I really was or not. Stupid, huh?"

I shook my head, "no, it's not. I'm glad you told me." I rested my head against my pillow and sighed. I looked over at him and lifted my right hand up to his face. He looked surprised when I touched his cheek, and I swallowed, pulling his face closer to mine. I tried to sit up to get closer, but he pushed me back down. I lifted my face to meet his and pressed my lips to his. The heart moniter caught up to the sprint my heart was beating at. I lifted my broked hand and held his face in my hands as I kissed him.

Stan was the one who pulled away, "what's wrong?" I asked him and looked over at the door.

"Someone's coming." He sat back down in the chair just before a nurse walked in.

"I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over. We have to let Kyle here get some rest." The nurse walked over to a small tray and picked up a needle and a vial, then proceeded to fill the needle. I groaned. I hate needles.

"Alright." When the nurse had her back to me again, Stan leaned over and kissed me, causing my heart rate to spike again. The doctor looked at the monitor confused as Stan walked out the door.

"That's odd..." she muttered and walked over to me, "I'm going to give you something to help you sleep, so just relax."

It's not like I really needed it anyways. As soon as I saw the needle again, I passed out.

* * *

I was out of the hospital the next week. I had to keep my chest wrapped to help my ribs heal, and I had a neon green cast on my hand stretching halfway up my forearm. Stan had spent a day decorating a couple areas of the cast, so there were now little hearts, stars, and smiley faces in several places. My favourite was a picture Stan had drawn of our hats next to each other, with a heart above them in the middle. He had never been the best at drawing, so it made me smile whenever I looked at it.

Stan came to pick me up at the hospital that day. He drove up to the curb in the red Corevette his dad had bought him for his 16th birthday, I got in the passenger side and buckled myself in, making sure not to hit my stomach or chest. When I was situated, Stan leaned over and kissed me.

"Hey, ready to go?" He smiled and put the car in gear. Instead of peeling out like he normally would have, he pulled out slowly so it wouldn't upset my injuries.

"Did you get your homework done?" He asked me. He had been bringing me my homework everyday after school, and after he left or before he came to visit, I would get it done so that I could spend as much time with Stan as I could.

"Yeah, it's all done. I had my mom take it home with her yesterday."

"Cool. So do you wanna hang out today or just go home and sleep?"

I shrugged, "ugh, I'm sick of lying around in bed all day, let's go do something."

"Awesome, what do you wanna do?" He turned a corner before our street so that we could figure out what we wanted to do.

"Huh, I dunno. I'd say go back to your house and exercise our video game muscles, but..." I tried wiggling my casted fingers, but didn't get much movement.

Stan laughed, "Yeah, I don't think that would work very well. How about a movie? I think that new horror film is out.

I shrugged, "alright. I haven't watched a scary movie in a while anyways." Stan took a left and we headed into town. We parked in front of the theatre and walked up to the ticket booth.

"Two tickets for Zombie Town please." Stan held out a ten dollar bill for the ticket man. Even though the movie was rated R, the man didn't ask to see ID. He just handed Stan the tickets and his change and we walked inside.

"You go ahead and find us seats, I'll get the drinks and popcorn." Stan said as we got in line at the concession stand. He handed me my ticket and I walked into the first theatre room. The movie was playing on the bigger movie screen for now until a better one came out. I scoped out the two best seats: middle two seats in the middle row. I sat down and Stan was beside me after a couple minutes.

"That didn't take very long." I said as he handed me my Coke. I set in the cupholder on my right and reached into the popcorn bucket in Stab's lap. we still had 15 minutes before the movies started.

Stan turned and looked at me, "can I ask you something?" I set down my Coke I had been drinking and looked over at him.

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Uhm..." he looked down at his hands and blushed, "how long have you known that you were..." I could tell that he didn't want to say the word, that he was still getting used to the fact that he had come out to someone other than his shrink.

"Gay?" Stan nodded, "well, I think I've always known. I just never told anyone because I didn't want to be hated. Especially by you. You're the only one I've told."

Stan looked up at me, surprise wahed over his face, "I could never hate you Kyle, you're my best friend." He grabbed my hand and locked his blue eyes with my green ones, "we have to tell our parents."

Fear flooded my body as he said it, "I can't tell them! My mom would kill me!"

Stan shook his head, "no she won't, and I'll be there with you. There's nothing to worry about."

"For you! Have you met my mother? She's crazy!" I was practically shouting now, and a few people in the theatre gave me weird looks. Stan led his finger up to my lips.

"Sh! Don't worry about it." He squeezed my hand and slowly lowered his hand. I swallowed and kept eye contact with him, shaking my head at him. The lights went down and the projector lit up the screen. For the next two hours, I couldn't concentrate on the movie. My mind kept wandering to what I was going to do about telling my parents. I would occasionally tune into the movie and see somebody being eaten by a zombie, or the hero bashing the zombies' heads in.

When the movie ended, we walked back to Stan's car. It was only 6 o'clock, so we still had time to do other stuff.

"Look, I think we should just go tell our parents now." Stan said to me when we had started driving. I stared out my window, trying to ignore him, "Kyle..."

"I don't want to."

Stan reached over and laid his hand on my casted one, "you're going to have to. I'm telling my parents tonight. That's where we're going now."

My eyes grew wide with fear and I looked at him. His eyes were fixed on the road, very concentrated, probably wondering what his parents would say. I sighed and moved my right hand over to his and squeezed it. He smiled and looked at me for a second before looking back at the road.

The car pulled into Stan's driveway a few minutes later, but when Stan stopped the car, we just sat there for a minute. "What's wrong?" I asked him as I removed my seatbelt.

"Just gotta collect myself." He took a couple deep breaths, the got out of the car. He came around and helped me out, not wanting me to strain myself.

"Thanks." We walked into his house and removed our shoes. I followed Stan into the living room where his parents and Shelly were sitting watching tv.

Stan walked over and stood in front of the television, "I need to talk to you guys." Sharon grabbed the remote and hit the power button, shutting the tv off.

"What is it?" Stan looked at them, and then at me, taking a deep breath.

"Mom, dad, Shelly...I'm gay." A silence fell over the room as what Stan had said sunk in.

"How...how do you know?" Randy was the first to speak up, "I mean, what about Wendy?"

"I've known for a while, I just didn't tell anyone. I didn't want you guys to hate me."

"I always knew there was something weird going on with you." Shelly said. Sharon scoffed at her.

"Shelly, be nice!" She stood up and walked over to Stan, "honey, we love you no matter what. I don't see why you were afraid to tell us though. You know that your father and I help with the gay rights protests."

Stan nodded, "yeah, I guess I just didn't know how you would feel if your own son was gay."

Sharon smiled and hugged Stan, "don't worry, I'm glad you told us." She stepped back and looked at me, "does your mother know?"

I have to admit I was surprised by her question, "no, I haven't told her yet."

Shelly's mouth dropped open and she looked back and forth between me and Stan, "so you two are..." I nodded and her mouth closed slowly.

Randy spoke up again, "Kyle, I think you should tell her. She's your mother." I nodded. At least I only had to tell my mom at the moment. My dad was on a trip for work, so I would either have to call him or wait, and waiting sounded a lot better to me.

"Can I go with him?" Stan walked over to stand by me and looked at his mom. She nodded in approval and Stan smiled, "thanks mom!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me outside to the car.

"You know I still don't want to do this..." I said as I opened the passenger door.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I did it, and my parents didn't freak." Stan shut his door and started the car. The engine roared to life and we backed out of the driveway.

"Yeah, but your parents are a lot more easy going than mine...well, my mother at least." I looked down at my cast at all of Stan's random drawings. It only took a minute to get to my house since I only lived a couple blocks away. When we pulled into the driveway, Ike was building a snowman in the front yard.

"Kyle!" He ran up and hugged me when I stepped out of the car. I hugged him back and laughed.

"Hey sport, what's up?" I ruffled his black hair and stepped back, "wow, that snowman is fabulous!" _Oh shit, did seriously just say _fabulous_?_ Stan laughed at me and Ike grinned.

"Thanks, it took me all day." I smiled again at his exaggeration, although it might now have been. He was only 10, so it could have taken him all day to assemble the large misshapen snow balls without my dad here to help him.

"Is mom here?" I asked him, trying to look in one of the windows.

"Yeah, she's in the kitchen." Ike walked back over to the snowman and began packing snow onto the uneven areas. Stan and I walked up to the door, and after taking adeep breath, I stepped inside.

"Mom? I'm home!" I kicked off my shoes and took a left into the living room. My mom came through a door into the room.

"Oh Kyle!" She ran over to me and hugged me.

"Ah, mom!" I winced, "ribs! Broken! Crushing!"

"Oh, sorry honey." She let go of me and I wheezed.

After I had caught my breath again, I looked at her, "mom, I need to talk to you."

She gave me a curious look, "okay."

"You might want to sit down." She did as I said and I took a deep breath, "mom...I...I...I can't do it!" I turned around but Stan was right there.

"No dude, you have to tell her!" He pushed me back, and I turned around to face my mom again. She shifted nervously on the couch, awaiting whatever terrible news I was about to tell her.

"Okay..." I began tapping my free fingers on my cast and swallowed, "mom...I'm gay."

"W-w-w-what?!" My mom stood up from the couch, but had to sit back down because she had stood up too fast, "how can you be gay?"

"I just am mom, can't help it." She was holding her head in her hand and shaking her head.

"How long?" She muttered incoherently.

"Huh?"

"How long have you known?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "3rd grade is when I realized it I think, I just didn't want to tell anyone."

My mom looked shocked, but also sad. She sobbed into her hands and her shoulders shook.

"Ah, ma..." I sat next to her and patted her back.

"My son is gay..." She sounded so upset, and I was slightly taken aback.

"Mom, I'm still the same person, I'm still Kyle."

"You're a boy..." She could hardly speak between sobs, "you're supposed to like girls," more sobbing, "not other boys!" I looked up at Stan and mouthed 'I told you I shouldn't have said anything!' Stan looked horrified. I stood up and faced my mom.

"Mom? Are you okay?" She waved a hand at me and I turned to face Stan, "you shuld go." I whispered and he nodded. He squeezed my hand and went out the front door. After I heard his car pull out of the driveway, I sat next to my mom.

"Mom, I..."

She shook her head and sobbed, "just go to your room, I need to be alone." With one final look, I went upstairs to my room. I shut the door behind me and walked over to my bed, falling on it and staring at the ceiling.

I hadn't expected her to be so upset, so...disappointed. I traced the picture of the hats Stan had drawn on my cast with my finger and sighed. I realized I was still wearing my hat, and I grabbed it, setting it next to me. I sat up and ran my hand through my red curls, a few falling into my eyes, knocked out of the way by my fingers. I stopped my hand on the back of my head. Now adays, it seemed like everything I didn diappointed my mother. Cutting my hair, staying with the boyband, and now being gay. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and went to hit the speed dial for Stan's number, but I stopped. I tossed it onto my bedside table and picked up a book next to it. Stan had always made fun of me for reading so much, But I didn't care. I loved reading. I opened the book where it was marked and began reading.

About a page in, I shut the book, I was too distracted to read. I put my hat on, grabbed my phone, and walked down the stairs. I could hear my mom talking as I quietly slipped on my shoes. I figured she was talking to my dad, so I opened the door and walked outside, making as little noise as possible.

"Hi Kyle!" Ike waved at me from the snow bank he was sitting on, "do you wanna play with me?"

I shook my head, "sorry Ike, not right now." I made my way to the sdiewalk and began walking towards town. I stuffed my hands into my coat pockets and lowered my chin into my coat. _Shoulda brought gloves..._

I looked across the street and saw Stan's car in his driveway again. I would have kept walking, but I heard my name.

"Kyle!" I looked up at Stan's window and saw him waving. I crossed the street and Stan ran out and met me halfways up the path to his house.

"Hey." He hugged me, but I kept my hands in my pockets to keep them from freezing.

"Hey." I shuffled my feet a little when he pulled away.

"Your mom called my mom and talked to her." I looked down at the ground, "dude, I'm sorry, ifI had known your mom would react like that, I wouldn't have told you to tell her."

"It's okay, I had a feeling she wouldn't take it well." We walked into Stan's house and kicked our hoes off. Stan bounded up the stairs two at a time ahead of me while I slowly made my way up to his room. He shut the door behind us and sat on the bed next to me. I had picked up the Rubik's Cube again, but couldn't do much because of the cast. In my attempts, I hadn't noticed that Stan had moved up right next to me.

"Hey, don't worry about it, everything's gonna be fine." I was just about to move the last yellow piece into place when Stan reached over and took the Cube. I looked at him as he set it on his table and he looked back at me. The arm he had rached over pulled me towards him and our lips met. Next thing I knew, Stan was on top of me, one of his knees in between my legs, his hands running through my hair. His tongue pushed through my lips and I pulled back.

"What's wrong?" He asked me, brushing my cheek with his hand. I swallowed a lump in my throat, "uhm, well, it's just that I've never done this before..."

Stan smiled and placed a kiss next to my lips, "don't worry about it. Just follow my lead." He lowered his lips back down to mine, gently kissing me. My lips parted and I let his tongue slide into my mouth again. His tongue rolled around mine, and I let him take control. He slid his hands into my shirt, making sure not to disturb the bandages, and I shuddered at his touch. His kisses came faster now, and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer, not caring if I hurt myself. Stan pulled his hands from my shirt and moved them to my face, then my hair, wrapping his fingers throughout the red strands.

Everything was perfect until my phone began to ring. Stan lifted his head and looked at my pocket. When I realized what it was, I groaned. I reached in my pocket to pull out the phone, and when I did, my mom's number flashed across the screen.

"Ugh, it's my mom. Give me a minute." I flipped open the the phone and held it up to my ear, "hello?"

"Kyle, where did you go?"

"I'm at Stan's house."

"I want you to come home, I want to talk to you."

I sighed and looked over at Stan, "alright, give me a few minutes." I hung up the phone and put it back in my pocket.

"What's up?" Stan asked me.

"I have to go home, she apparently wants to talk to me." I stood up and grabbed my hat that had fallen off sometime in the past few minutes. I noticed Stan's net to it and picked it up too, tossing it to him when I stood up.

"Do you want me to walk with you?"

I put on my hat and shrugged, "sure."

As we walked out the front door, Stan grabbed my hand, I looked down at our hands and smiled, sliding my fingers between his. We began walking down the street to my house, and when we were about halfway there, it began to snow. I stopped walking and looked up at the sky.

"What's wrong?" Stan asked when I stopped. I shook my head and closed my eyes, letting the snow fall softly onto my face.

"Nothing." I loved when it snowed, and I rarely got to enjoy it anymore. After a few moments, I opened my eyes and looked at Stan, "sorry. I'm ready now." I started walking again, but was jerked back by his hand when I reached the length of our arms. I turned to face him, "Stan?"

Stan walked forward and helf my face in his hands, kissing me softly. I wrapped my arms around him and we just stoof there for a moment in the snow. And in that moment I felt like my life was truly perfect.

* * *

**A/N:** Omg, it took soooo long to type this chapter, I thought I was gonna die. Seriously x] I hope you liked it! I decided to upload both 2 and 3 at the same time because I know people were getting kind of impatient. Plus, I didn't know when else I'd be able to do it. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

-**Chapter Four:-**

We got to my house,and I stood there for a moment, "I don't want to go in..."

Stan squeezed my hand, "you have to. I'll wait in your room for you."

I blinked a couple times, "how will you get in?"

"There's a tree right outside your window, and you always leave your window unlocked." He kissed me quickly, "I'll be really quiet." With that, he ran around the house. I turned to the door and opened it, took a deep breath, and stepped inside.

"Mom, I'm home." I walked from the doorway into the living room. " What did you need?"

My mom had her hands in her lap, twisting her fingers around each other, "I talked to your father."

_Great_, "oh?"

"He said I should just leave it alone, there's nothing I can do. But I can't just leave it alone."

"Mom, I can't change this. It's who I am, and I accept it."

My mom looked at me, tears in her eyes, "well, what about those groups? Maybe you're just confused, and they can talk to you about it..."

"I'm not confused mom!" I had never raised my voice to my mother before, but I couldn't take it anymore, "I like who I am and I don't want to change anything!" I turned and ran to the stairs before she could say anything more. I heard her start crying as I took the stairs two at a time.

Stan was sitting on my bed waiting for me when I opened the door. I shut the door behind me and locked it so that my mom couldn't get to me.

"You okay?" He asked me when he saw my face. I looked in the mirror above my dresser and saw that my face was bright red, most likely from getting upset and yelling at my mom.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sat next to him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. His other arm wrapped around me, and he pulled me against his chest into a hug. I wrapped my arm around his waist and leaned my head against his shoulder.

* * *

When I woke up, it was dark outside my window. _How long had I been asleep?_ I sat up and realized that Stan was next to me, asleep. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the alarm clock on the side table. It was a little after one, so we had been asleep for quite some time. I adjusted my pillow (which Stan had wrapped his arms around) and laid back down. I pulled the covers around me and snuggled up next to Stan, taking in his warmth. He opened one eye and smiled, removing his arm from around the pillow and wrapping it around me instead.

"What time is it?" He asked through a yawn.

"Like 1:30 or something."

"Heh, I hope my mom isn't too worried. She probably knows where I am though." He sighed and closed his eyes. It only took a minute before I heard his breathing slow, and it only took one more minute for me to fall asleep too.

* * *

It was a good thing it was the weekend, because Stan and I didn't wake up until sometime after ten. When I woke up, I laid there for a while, absorbing Stan's body heat and breathing in the smell of his cologne. I watched him, wondering what he could be dreaming about. The corners of his mouth were turned up slightly in a smile and his arm was still around me, hugging me close to his body. I was starting to drift back to sleep when my phone began to ring. It began to move around on the table due to it's vibrate setting, and I had to roll over to grab it with my good hand.

"Hello?" I said sleepily, silently cursing myself for leaving my phone on.

"Hi Kyle, it's Sharon."

"Oh, hey Mrs. Marsh, what's up?"

"Is Stan with you? I know he walked you home yesterday, but he didn't come home, so I figured he stayed over.

I yawned, "Yeah, sorry, I think we fell asleep, and when we woke up, it was really late, so he didn't want to wake you up."

"Okay, thank you Kyle."

"No problem. Bye." I hit the end button and threw my phone on the table. I rolled back over to find Stan's eyes open, staring at me.

"What?" He was kind of creeping me out staring like that.

"What'd my mom want?" He asked me, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Nothing, just to make sure you were here." I pulled the covers up around my shoulders and wiggled closer to Stan, cold from having to answer the phone. Stan laughed.

"What?"

He shook his head, "you're so funny. I love you." He brought his head closer to mine and kissed me lightly. Before he had time to pull away, I pressed my lips closer to his and wrapped my arms around him, my casted hand resting on his waist. Stan moved his hand up to my chin and tilted my head up towards his. I felt his other hand begin to play with my belt buckle, and I pulled away from his lips using my casted hand to stop his.

"What's wrong?" Stan asked me, and I swallowed.

"Uhm, well, it's just that...I've never..." My voice trailed off and I couldn't finish my sentence. Stan looked at me and nodded.

"Alright."

I shook my head quickly, "it's not that I don't want to. I love you, but...I want to wait a while." He smiled.

"I understand." We sat up and leaned against the headboard of my bed. I wrapped my fingers around his and gave his hand a small squeeze. I swallowed again.

"Did you and Wendy ever...you know." I stared at his hand, not wanting to look directly at him when he answered the question. I heard him let out a sigh.

"Yeah, we did." I felt my stomach drop, "but I didn't like it very much. I knew it wasn't right. It didn't feel right. I guess that's when I began to question my sexuality."

I was a little relieved that he hadn't enjoyed sex with Wendy, but it still really bothered me that they had actually done it. "So you didn't know you were gay up until a little while ago?"

"Yeah, I hadn't really thought about it much, but I felt something... weird. But I didn't want to say anything, especially during football season. Those guys can be brutal, especially when it comes to gay people." Stan sighed and hit his head lightly on the headboard, "I guess I was just scared..."

We sat there for a few minutes in silence until I heard a knock on the door, "Kyle?" It was my mom. I decided it might not be a good idea to keep her locked out much longer.

"Hey," I whispered to Stan, "my om doesn't know you're here, and in my current situation, it might be best for it to stay that way." Stan nodded and we stood up. I opened my closet door and Stan went inside, closing the door again as another knock came from my bedroom door.

"I'm coming." I unlocked the door and opened it. My mom was standing there, her hair out of place and her eyes bloodshot. She was still in her clothes from the previous day, so I guessed that she had either not slept or she had fallen asleep downstairs.

"Hey mom, what's up?" I asked, my broken hand on the door. My mom was twisting her hands around a handkerchief, looking for something to say.

"I-I was just wondering if you were sure..."

I groaned and leaned against the door frame, "mom, we went over this. I _am_ gay, and I have been for a while. Nothings gonna change that."

My mom slowly nodded her head and turned to walk to her room. I waited until I heard her door close before I closed my own and let Stan out of the closet. When he stepped out, he had a huge grin on his face.

"What?" I asked him.

"Look! I'm coming out of the closet!" I sighed and shook my head, "its funny cuz I'm _gay!!_"

"We should get you out of here before my mom gets mad and goes Hitler on us."

Stan tilted his head to the side, "how can she go Hitler on us? She's Jewish dude." I punched him in the arm and he just laughed.

"Come on." I opened my door and dragged Stan out. I went down the stairs, but stopped abruptly. My dad was leaned over by the door untying his boots. I started backing up the stairs again and pushed Stan up too.

"Change of plans, " I said when we were back in my room, "We're going out the window."

"How?" Stan looked out the window.

"The same way you got in yesterday Sherlock."

"But I don't _like_ climbing trees!" He whined.

"You did it yesterday!!"

"Never said I liked it..."

"If Wendy can do it in in high heels and a mini skirt, then I'm sure _you_ can do it."

"So that's how she got in here?" He asked, "damn, that girl has to be part monkey or something." He laughed as I opened the window.

"Kyle?" I heard my dad coming up the stairs

"Shit!" I pushed Stan to the window, "go! I have to stay here and ward off my dad." Just as Stan's head disappeared from view, my door opened. I quickly turned around to face my dad.

"Oh, hey dad. What's up?"

He looked at the window and, then back at me, "hey Kyle. Why is your window open?"

"I uh... I was warm, so I opened it to get some fresh air, but I'm better now." I turned around and shut the window, seeing Stan running across the lawn as I did. "So what's up?"

My dad sighed, "I got a call from your mother. She says you're acting out." He sat down on my bed and patted the area next to him. I sat down next to him, tapping my fingers on my knees while I waited for him to talk.

"So..." I could tell my dad was uncomfortable talking to me about this, "your mother told me that you...uh...you like boys." It was hard for him to actually say the word, but I imagine it would be hard for any father finding out that their son is gay.

"Uh, yeah. I do."

My dad nodded his head slowly, "okay then." Well, he was definitely taking it a lot better than mom.

"Yeah, mom wasn't too happy, and when I told her, she kept asking if I was sure, and she said something about sending me to a clinic. She's acting like I have some kind of disease or something."

"Don't worry, I'll talk to her. It's perfectly normal for you to feel this way." He put his arm around my shoulders. I was surprised. Never in a million years had I imagined that my dad would be so cool about something like this. "So who's the lucky guy?"

My face turned bright red, "DAD!"

He laughed, "Is it Stan?" I nodded and he shook me a little, "he's a good kid. It's nice to know you picked someone like that."

I nodded my head and sighed, "wait..." I looked up at my dad, surprised, "why'd you guess Stan first? He's had girlfriends and what not."

He just smirked and pointed to his head, "I just know these things." He stood up and made his way to the door, "I'll talk to your mom about it. Hopefully she'll come to her senses." With that he left, leaving me in my room. I grabbed my phone off my table and hit Stan's speed dial number.

"Hey dude, how'd it go?"

"My dad actually took it really well. Oh, and he knows about us."

"He does? How?"

I shrugged, "he just guessed it was you."

I heard Stan sigh, "so I guess it's out in the open now?."  
"Not if we don't want it to be." I said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well..." I paused, thinking out my plan, "if we don't want people knowing just yet, we can just ask our parents to keep it on the down low, and then we'll be the only people that know. People in South Park don't always take kindly to gay people,so we may want to keep it a secret."

"But what about Mr. Slave, Big Gay Al, and Mr. Garrison? They're gay, but people don't bother them."

"They're adults, and the adults in town don't really care. It's the kids here. I've seen how they treat gays, or just how they talk to them. They're brutal Stan. What if they were to target us?"

Stan didn't speak for a minute, and I almost thought he had hung up, "alright, we'll keep it on the DL. I just don't like having to hide..."

"Thank you. I promise that we won't have to for long." I was just about to hang up when I heard him start talking again.

"Hey, you wanna come over?"

I thought for a moment, "alright, let me ask, I'll be right back." I turned on my radio and set the phone down next to it. I always did this when I had to do something quickly so that Stan wouldn't be bored. I walked out of my room and down the hall, stopping outside of my parent's room.

"Mom, dad, can I go to Stan's house?"

I heard some arguing, mostly from my mother, and then I heard my dad's voice muffled, "yeah."

"Thanks." I turned and walked back to my room. Breaking the Law by Judas Priest was playing, and when I picked up the phone, I heard Stan singing.

"Breaking the law, breaking the law!" I began laughing and he stopped singing when he heard me.

"Jeez, don't make fun of me!"

"I can come over, my dad said it was fine."

"Suhweet, see ya in a few!"

"See ya." I hung up the phone and grabbed my backpack. I dumped out it's contents and quickly stuffed in some fresh clothes, my deodorant, comb, and m toothbrush. My hat was lying on the floor, so I picked it up and shoved it onto my head. I grabbed my coat and closed my door on the way to the stairs.

"Where are you going Kyle?" Ike was stacking Lego in the living room, and he had heard me coming.

"I'm going over to Stan's." I said as I pulled on my shoes. I winced when I bent over to grab them, seeings how I still had bandages around my stomach, and my ribs were still hurt.

"See ya later Ike." I walked outside and zipped up my coat. It was snowing again, so I took my time getting to Stan's house so I could enjoy the snow.

Stan was sitting on his front steps when I got there. He grinned when he saw me, and waited to stand up until I was a few feet away. I lifted my left hand to wave at him.

"Hey." He grabbed my backpack from my hand and went inside. His parents were watching t.v., and Sharon turned to face me.

"Hi Kyle." She smiled warmly and stood up.

"Hey Mrs. Marsh." She walked over to us as we took off our shoes.

"I heard your mother isn't taking this situation too well." I shrugged my shoulders and slid my coat off, wrapping it around my arms.

"Eh, she just never imagined that her son would turn out gay. My dad has been talking to her though."

"That's good." Mrs. Marsh smiled at us, "well you boys have fun..." She looked at Stan, "not _too_ much fun though." She winked and Stan laughed.

"Alright mom." We walked up the stairs to his room, and Stan shut the door behind him, dropping my backpack onto his computer chair as he did.

"Not too much fun, eh?" I asked him, sitting down on his bed.

Stan snapped his fingers in disappointment, "dammit." He muttered under his breath and grinned, "guess we'll have to find something else to do..." He walked over in front of me and climbed onto the bed to where he was straddling my legs.

"Now Stan..." I said with a smile, "what did your mother just say?"

Stan grabbed both of my hands and pushed me back so that I laying down, our hands stretched out above my head.

"Oh, don't worry, I think I can restrain myself." He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I removed my hands from his and wrapped them around his neck, pulling him closer to me.

"Hey now." Stan whispered against my lips and I smiled.

"Don't worry, "I whispered back, "you can restrain yourself, remember?" Stan smiled and twisted my hair around his fingers.

"Sure." He was about to kiss me again when there was a knock on the door. Stan scrambled off of me and waited until I ran a hand through my hair to fix it before answering.

"Yeah?" He stood against the door, using his fingers to replace some upset hairs on his head.

"Your mom and I have to run to the store, so we'll be back in a little while."

"'Kay dad, don't have too much fun!" Stan threw me a wink and I laughed.

"Yeah yeah." I heard Mr. Marsh chuckle and his footsteps disappeared down the hallway. Stan walked back over and jumped onto his bed. He laid down, one leg stretched out and the other bent. I pushed my backpack off the computer chair and sat down. Stan stuck out his bottom lip and patted the bed, wanting me to come over. I sighed and got up, walking over to the side of his bed. I put my right knee on the bed and pulled his bent knee down with my left arm. He obliged and I swung my other leg over his, now sitting on his legs. I patted his stomach with my hands and he laughed. He reached up to do the same, but I stopped him, lifting up the bottom of my shirt to reveal the remaining bandages.

"Oh, right. When do you get to stop wearing those?"

I held up my finger, "one more week. And the cast comes off in about three."

"I guess it's a good thing you're left handed." I laughed and laid down on top of Stan.

"well now, what's this?" He smiled.

"I dunno, I'm kinda tired."

"Oh, I can fix that." Stan pulled himself out from under me and once again straddled my legs.

"What are you doing?" I asked, sitting up and leaning against his headboard.

"The same thing I do every night Kyle," he said as he pulled his shirt off, "try to take over the world!"

I laughed, "you're so weird." I closed my eyes and sighed, "but seriously, I am really ti..." I stopped when I felt him pulling up my shirt, "what are you doing?" I looked up and him, and he was pouting again.

"What?" I half yelled, laughing as I did because of his ridiculous expression. He just kept looking at me, and I sighed. I held my arms up in defeat and he pulled his bottom lip back in, grinning. He lifted my shirt off and threw it on the floor next to his. I crossed my arms over my torso. My skin was incredibly white compared to his tan complexion. I was also very scrawny, while his stomach was toned due to football. Even though I played basketball, no matter how much I lifted weights during training, my abs were never defined.

Stan inched his way further up to me until he was sitting in my lap. He pulled my arms away from my chest and looked at the bandages.

"God, I still feel like the biggest dick in the world..." he said almost in a whisper, "if I had just stopped to listen to you, this wouldn't have happened." He was tracing careful patterns into my bandages with his finger. I shook my head at him vigorously.

"It's _not_ your fault. I shouldn't have taken the car. I was in such a hurry that I wasn't thinking clearly." I grabbed his tracing hand with mine and kissed his fingertips, then pulled him into a hug.

"I love you." He whispered against my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair.

"I love you too." I tightened my grip around him, my fingers slightly digging into his back. He kissed my neck and then pulled back to look at me.

"Hey, what time is it?" He asked me, and I looked at him, surprised by his question.

"It's seven..." we heard a deeper voice from the doorway, and we both looked over, horror written all over our faces.

Standing in the doorway was the last person we could possibly want to see at this moment. Cartman's mouth had dropped open, and I feared that it might reach all the way down to the floor.

"Oh shit..." Stan mumbled and quickly scrambled to the other side of his bed. My face had turned about ten different shades of red.

"H-How long have you been standing there?" I asked, making no attempt to hide the terror in my voice.

Cartman hadn't quite recovered himself. His mouth was still open, and he lifted a finger to point at us, "you...and...you?" His voice was shaking along with his entire body. But before we could answer, he took off running.

"SHIT!" I yelled, "STOP HIM!" I threw myself out of the bed and practically flew down the stairs. Before Cartman could make it to the door, I jumped on his back, causing him to fall flat on his face.

"Get off me faggot!" He struggled, but I used all of my strength to keep him down while Stan stood guard art the door.

"Cartman, calm down!" I yelled at him.

"How the fuck do you expect me to be calm?!" He was panting from trying to run away.

"Cartman, just come into the living room so we can explain."

"I'm not going anywhere with you two!" He yelled and struggled again underneath of me.

"We're not going to do anything to you," Stan said, "we just want to explain ourselves before you start spreading shit."

For a minute the only noise was Cartman's breathing. he finally nodded in agreement, and I stood up, helping him up as well. He followed me into Stan's living room, Stan behind him. We all sat down in different parts of the room: Cartman on the couch, Stan in the rocking chair, and me in an armchair.

"So you two are..." Cartman looked at us and I suddenly felt uncomfortable without my shirt on. I crossed my arms in front of my chest again and brought my knees up to it as well.

'Well..." Stan looked at me and then back at Cartman, "yeah, we are."

Cartman sank further into the couch, his eyes shifting between us, most likely fearing that we might do something to him.

"Seriously guys?" He chuckled and looked at Stan, "you're pulling my chain, right?"

Stan shook his head, and the colour drained from Cartman's face.

"Listen Cartman, it's..." I was cut off by him.

"No, I don't wanna know! I'm going home. I can't deal with this." He ran to the door, and I stood up to follow him, but what he said made my stomach drop.

"I can't be friends with fags!" He snarled and slammed the door shut behind him.

I fell to my knees, not caring that the impact made my ribs hurt. Stan stood up and came over to help me up. My feet felt like they were made of lead as I stood up. As much as I hated the fat ass, there were tears streaming down my face. Stan pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms around his lean waist.

"Kyle, it's going to be okay..."

"What about school?" I sobbed into his chest, "you know that once Cartman learns something the whole school is going to know, and it'll be bad!"

Stan closed his eyes and pulled me in closer to his body, "I know Kyle...I know..."

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks everyone who has been reading and supporting. Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, but I've been doing more writing than typing x.x Hope you like it. Chapter five's writing stage is almost complete, and then I'll start typing. Thanks!! 3


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